Monday, 26 September 2011

They are TABLEAUX's!!

TAB-LOWS that's how you say it!

They've been called tabards, tableaux's, or simply 'those boards with lights and things on'. Whatever you want to call them we walked through them at Blackpool.


First things first FOOD. We called at Tudor Cafe, which Kai thought was hilarious and asked if everything was made from tuna (Tuna Cafe)


 Abbi browsing the menu


 Greasy food time!


 Just how many chips have you got in your mouth Abbi?

Full tums, we headed to Coral Island so Kai could go on some rides. Abbi found her fear of rides again and sat crying at the side of Iggle Piggle (but who wouldn't...he has a head the shape of a giant baked bean!). As soon as the ride stopped she dived off the seat and jumped on me like a koala.

Then it was time to set off on the LONG walk to the 'boards with lights and things on'.



The are currently doing the tower up inside, and adding more lights to the outside. So far its looking good!


 

Those black smudges on those blocks are people laid down on the see-through glass floor of the tower!




Kai posing on a huge pebble :)


Long walk ahead of us...and trust Adam to walk on the tramlines!


Doodles in her pram



That's it, hold onto Daddy's ears for support...they are big enough! LOL

We FINALLY reached the tableaux's, it took ages to walk there.



Then we reached a dead end after about 3 of them! They were doing maintenance and were sent on a path BEHIND them....what is the point in that! You go to see the tableaux's and all you get to see is the pitch black dark behind them:


 After stumbling in the dark you pop out again and manage to see another handful of tableauxs before you have to cross the road and see them from there.


This crazy mofo was changing bulbs whilst the lights were still on!



Hickory Dickory Dock,
a man changed the bulbs on the clock,
the clock was on,
the man fell down,
Poor dude got blown off the clock, tick tock, tick shock.



Bad-ass Miss Muffet throwing her spoon


Anyone want to know what Donkey (from Shrek) would look like if he was kicked in the knackers?
this is probably it:





 Adam being a big brave boy standing with a scary tree :)



 The resemblance is uncanny!, The tree just needs some specs :)


 We also met Bob the Builder and The Fly's love child. I didn't know whether he wanted to collect money, mend my roof, or suck the sugar from my chocolate bar.


Only in Blackpool will you see teddy bears having a picnic in the pitch black, a man dressed as Noddy in a car, a bus full of Army men, a dog wearing flashing ears and two random blokes in kilts playing the bagpipes at 10.30pm

 And before you ask, no I haven't got a picture of the dog with the flashing ears.

Little peoples legs were getting tired, Kai hijacked Abbi's pram, so she had to sit infront of him (thank the Lord we took our Silvercross Pram!) Adam's feet had turned into plates of meat, and my left leg had developed a weird pain which made me step, then swiiiing the left leg round, step and swiiiiing the left leg round, Now I looked like a donkey that was kicked in the knackers.


 After a while the kids gave in to Mr Sandman.



 My mum couldn't walk any longer and demanded to stay for the night...I'm sure she'll be comfy in that box:

 We stopped for a pancake and jam...YUMMY! Walked all the way back to the car, by this time I was limping like a pirate with a woodworm infested peg leg, and my Dad was dancing around fit as a fiddle on the car park taking great pleasure in our ailments. Safe to say....we wont be doing that again for a while!

THIS....is my..BOOMSTICK!

If your a horror fan you will know exactly what that title means......If not...where have you been? You NEED to see this movie!

Yes the 'this is my boomstick' quote amongst the other famous ones 'groovy', 'shop smart, shop S-Mart' and 'Yo she-bitch, lets go' are all from the horror/comedy Army of Darkness (Evil Dead 3).

I'm pretty sure you all know about my love for all things horror, blood and guts so you can imagine how excited I was when I heard those words....'Army of Darkness Cake'. Once the order was confirmed I spent the next few months telling anyone I could I was making 'a freakin' Evil Dead cake!'

The awesome customer was my friend Catherine who came up to chat about the details. We decided a tall rocky hill would be good with Ash and Sheila in the poses from the DVD cover. Evil Ash and other deadites would be climbing up the hill, and somewhere on the cake...a Necronomicon (that's a book with a creepy face on it for all you rom-com lovers)

This is the poster:

As the 'boomstick' (shotgun) is such a big part of the film I decided to not only include the chainsaw, but to recreate another iconic part of the film with his boomstick:


I was so excited about the actual cake design that I hadn't even started to think how I was going to pull it off. I have trouble with figures, and haven't done many standing ones (maybe about 2!) but to have it in a specific pose with limbs being held in the air etc was a huge challenge.

I baked the 8" round sponges (coloured bright red of course!) filled and stacked them, then started to carve away. Once I had a basic hill shape I started to cut out small cave bits and crevasses, built more rocky areas at the bottom with excess cake and finally covered it in dark grey fondant.

What followed was 8 hours of pure love and devotion on one figure!


I stuck lots of supports inside this badboy to get him to remain upright at all times!
I quite liked his cute little boots and creases in his jeans :)
It was made entirely from fondant with nothing added (usually people making figures would add gum trag, but I think Ive just got into a habit of making them without!)

Next came his manly bod, which I had to make twice as the first one (because of no gum trag!) slunk down and gave him a beer belly :)


You will notice he doesn't have a hand on the end of his right arm, that's because he chopped it off and replaced it with a bad-ass chainsaw in the previous film. See I told you these films were awesome LOL
You will also see a little rip in his jeans which was made with a scalpel and bent back with a sugarcraft tool.
Details, details...its all in the details :)
Then the camera had to be put down whilst I created the rest of him, you have to work quick sometimes before the fondant dries out....so 8 hours later you get ASH:


Complete with ripped shirt blowing in the wind, cuts, blood, dirt and his beloved boomstick.

In the rock near the bottom I added a dirty deadite skull, the Necromnomicon and a whole ton of bloooooood!



I was also dreading making a skeleton from icing...how is that even possible!? But when I looked closer some of them were 'whole' and had like a rusty armour across their chests with capes and helmets, so this deadite wasn't as hard to make. Plus he was splattered in more blood :)

Ash in all his glory:


Sheila, who seems to be pouting alot here LOL:

And a closer look at the rip on his jeans, and added chainsaw


Evil Ash was quite a challenge, he has teeth hanging out, lots of veiny bits round his mouth and a type of skull helmet. But if ever in doubt....just throw more blood at it :)



Lumps and bumps in the rocky hill all made individually by my little fingers :)



Rocky hills look messy so you could literally throw bumps at it and cover it, but as I'm a perfectionist (and I cant help it!) each one of these bumps were crafted with tools and my fingers and thumb.

Ready to see the whole finished product?



*trumpet sound* Ta-Da! My Evil Dead 3: Army of Darkness Cake.

I loved making this cake, even though the figures were quite stressful! And I'm super stoked that Catherine asked me to do it, its such a nice change away from the pretty pink cakes.

How could I end this post without showing you the cake in action?

Here is Catherine with Ash, and the inside of the cake!:

Dressed as Evil Sheila!:







Friday, 9 September 2011

Conned by an Old Man!

What a total amateur, I left out a picture from the last post! It was of me and Adam sat in the horseshoe bar at the Ken Webster show, a photographer came round and took pictures and sold them in the interval...£7 you robbing snotball! You know your going to buy it...so you have to cough up.

Here it is:

 

Adam looking like a sun-ripened tomato, and me looking slightly demonic like I'm about to eat your cat. 

So back to Day 2, the day after the Ken Webster show. We took a trip to Freeport in Fleetwood which is a small shopping outlet, to be honest its not all that great but they do have a Cadburys shop there where they sell MISHAPES! What are mishapes I hear you cry, well these are mishapes:




They are bags of chocolates that are exactly that...mishapen, from Cadburys chocolate boxes etc. Sure they may look like they've been under grandads armpit but they still taste good! You find all sorts of goodies in, smashed open strawberry creams, scuffed fudge fingers, but I hate those ones that contain an unhealthy amount of rock hard caramel ones you nearly leave your teeth in.


And as always we had a healthy breakfast :)
 What? Orange juice is mega healthy!

 We then went back into Blackpool for a very quick shopping trip, I had worn my wedge boots that day but wasn't expecting to walk MILES from the car park....so my little tootsies were deadied. (Great excuse for some new shoes eh girls?!) So we had a quick look in Deichmann, and walked out with a new pair of boots....weren't exactly the ones I wanted but I couldn't exactly grumble as my toes had now turned quaver shaped, stick those in your Cadburys mishapes.

Here's the awesome bag carrier :)


 I got outside the shop and changed straight into them, stripey socks out in the middle of the shopping centre. My toes sighed and snuggled into their new home, ...well they didn't REALLY do that but I like to think they did :) So then we made our way to the new Madame Tussauds (previously Louis Tussauds)

 Adam met Graham Norton...Hopefully I wont have to point out names of most of these because they are damn good! So good that in the sports room, I was waiting for a bloke to move out the way....until I realized he was a waxwork DUH!


 I told Adam to go and do the Bruce pose. But what about the knee...its ALL about the knee!! Total Fail!


Then I spotted Jonathan Ross sat all on his lonesome. I tell you what....if you ever go, stand face to face, nose to nose, palm to palm....sorry that Rhianna :S Really...stand nose to nose with these things....its SCARY, their eyes, their eyelashes, so realistic you think they are gonna shout 'BOO' and make you fill your crackers.


 Last time we were at the waxworks, this little room was Elvis' chapel where me and Adam dressed up as bride and groom....he was the bride :)
 But this time, they had turned it into Gok Wan's dressing up room. Adam has better boobs than me:




I asked Bruce how his tits looked in that yellow dress.....and WHAM, there was just NO need for it Bruce...no need!


Want to see what I look like when someone is REALLY getting on my nerves, clearly pratting about with a pram they cant steer and letting their kids cause absolute MAYHEM and they are in every room you turn....and then someone points a camera in your face and says smile......this is it:


I must now apologize for the next two pictures, some very bad posing going on. In front of the Naked Chef, they had some utensils, I was just about to grab one when I realized they were totally glued in the pot. WTF! Its not like someone is going to get a wooden spoon and ram it up his nostril is it?! (Well they had no idea that's what I was going to do before I got here..) so had to do a stupid pose instead :(


Adam the interior designer, the only interior he can design is the inside of his stomach with what food hes going to eat :) So glad he doesn't wear a neck tie though.



Be afraid...be VERY AFRAID...ITS.........

 ALAN TITCHBUSH WITH A WONKY NOSE AND GREASY CHIN!!!

 Aww I'm only kidding, good Ol' Titchmarsh :)



I met a legend of a detective, Mr Frost who suited my cowboy hat MUCH better, look at him rocking that scarf.



Adam heard they had just opened up a McDonalds at the top of Mount Everest, It only took him 30 minutes, that boy loves his sweaty burgers.


He wasn't expecting to find one of these behind the counter though.....'RAAAAWWWWRRR *spit flies out* would you like to go laaaarge?'



On the way back down he spotted David Attenborough (spelt his name right first time! OUUSH!) There was an awful smell...Adam blamed it on the frog.


But he was a harmless little fellow, but that look in my eyes meant that I really wanted to eat him instead...LOL


Now your probably wondering where I get to the part about an old man conning me. Well let me tell you! As we walked round the corner I saw Dec, and a very young looking (SMTV Live stylee) Ant. There was a woman sporting an 'Im a Celebrity' hat...but I have to say, it wasn't as cool as mine :)....how well did I suit the part in my hat and over the shoulder bag! LOL anyway, she offered a platter of crickets and mealworms, Adam curled his lip up like a dog having its arse brushed and leant away. I eyed up the crusty dead insects and picked up a mealworm feeling very confident in my hat, I popped into my mouth and started to chew, not bad...just hard to pick out your teeth afterwards.


Than a man approached me in the same attire and offered me a 'chocolate to take the taste away' OO I thought...free chocolate! It was a nice big round circle of it too. I opened it and put it straight in my mouth...only then for the little man with the reaction of a sloth to say 'its got ants in it' Surely they are supposed to say that BEFORE you put it into your mouth so it gives you chance to refuse, but then again I probably didn't give him chance and rammed it into my mouth because it was free. It was crunchy, almost like popping candy, and as I'm chewing the bloke just stared at me and kept repeating 'it really does have ants in it' I'm just thinking 'YEAH...but they are in CHOCOLATE...like I give a muff!'


Then after Adam had rushed to the bog after too much junk food he emerged a new man.... for the first time ever, you could see his sexy rib cage, doesn't he have lovely bone structure :)



And now, the event of the century, the moment you've all been waiting for, in fact we NEED some music for this part, its EPIC lol.


You don't need to listen to the whole thing, just press play and scroll down very, VERY, slowly...

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ADAM HAS NO GLASSES ON! He is as blind as a blind person in a bat cave, but could keep his eyeballs in a straight position for this picture LOL  Look at Rooney in his new specs!

Ok, epicness over, you can sit back down now.



After meeting a few more sporting legends we took a trip down Coronation St, Adam wanted a quick pint.


I hope to God Tyrone had his kecks on. Peeping Tom alert!


 Now my favourite waxwork of all was DEIDRE! She was so realistic! Even down to those freaky dancing tendons she has in her neck.

I also posed with Mrs Barlow, did the exact same pose, and Adam only got a headshot....MEN!


 Adam finally got his pint, with Ken! Hes a rude beggar though, didn't have the decency to look at the camera.
So I climbed on the bar and got my own back.


Have it Barlow!


We waited for ages to use this....I cannot believe how retarded some people are, you put your face in the hole, you put your camera in the camera hole, point it straight forward onto the mirror and click..picture...DONE. But no, a woman and her husband were trying to do this, he said 'put your camera through the camera hole' so she tried shoving her entire hand through the hole and said 'no I'm going to drop it!' I'm just staring at the back of their heads thinking, are you for real!? I thought I was dumb. She then tried to hold the camera up to one of the face holes and said 'I don't see how this is going to work?!' she could see her damn self in the mirror ahead...its not so hard! I would have offered advice but her husband was getting a little stroppy and I really just couldn't be arsed. After FINALLY getting the picture, we could get ours.

I couldn't get over just how tall this guy really is!! Hes huge!


Then we entered the Jeremy Kyle set, half of these people in the waxworks should have been ON the Jeremy Kyle show, total idiots in that day! We couldn't have our picture taken in the chairs as there are two of us, and no 3rd person to handle the camera, and there was no chance in hell I was handing it over to anyone in there.
SOOO we played with the title magnets instead.....for quite a while :)
I made one for Adam:
Then made this one:


And this is what we had the entire trip:


:)


Then we turned the corner and I came face to face with another Adam! minus the goatee...


Chatty Man, and Fatty Man
pahaha jus kiddin' :)
And Alan totally rocks a cowboy hat



Should've gone to Specsavers...

Yeah, you on the right!

We then collected a magnet we had done at the end....so so true :)



The waxworks is definitely worth a trip, there's some fab ones in there, just make sure you don't go on a day with dizzy blonde mums thinking its funny that their daughter is totally ruining everyones photos, shrieking, jumping, swinging from the waxworks and just generally being a brat.

We then decided it was time for a cinema trip! What can I say, I love my films :) So first we called to get some tea, 


 Feel my fork!!

Again...our food was 100% healthy

Well, at least I had veg on mine!

POPCORNIO!!

We went to see Final Destination 5 and look just how popular it was!


There's something about just one man sitting on his own in the cinema, you could be watching the film one minute, then all of a sudden the mysterious man has disappeared...where is he?...where did he go?....hes behind you with a steak knife... (sorry imagination running away with me there again) But Adam's face says it all :)


Well the film started, it was the usual computer generated cartoony killings you always get from the 'destination' films, not realistic in the slightest...but never the less still made Adam heave whilst hiding behind my cowboy hat. And the Laser Eye scene proved too much and he couldn't watch.

We then went back to Blackpool and had a few drinks on the pier, It was real busy in the bar so we sat out on the pier in the wind, in the dark, in the cold next to a Disney ride that kept playing 'Hakuna Matata'. Really weird as that's the phrase we have incorporated into some of our wedding things :)

Time for some supper, yeah and you guessed it!



As healthy as a heart attack, and I went one better, a heart attack with a cherry on the top.....



Which got devoured back at the hotel room. Yummy.

The next morning it was time to go home, I was laid awake waiting to hear the seagulls so it felt like we were on holiday....your not on holiday till you hear gulls. And it seems we weren't on holiday as all I heard was a bin wagon. Whilst staring above listening, something caught my eye....something in the curtain....something was watching us, right above Adams head. We were far from alone.....


ARACHNID!
OOO you big dirty beggar!

Unpacked his bags and everything he did...a whole day early, didn't even let us check out first. 


I don't think I mentioned my hat did I?...not at all, not even once!....I must tell you all, I totally love my cowboy hat!